Last Tuesday brought a considerable bit of snow to the city again, reminding us that winter is still around. And you know what winter driving means? Picking out the idiot drivers from the rest of traffic.

This time around, what ground my gears were people who didn’t know what the middle lane in yellow semi-dotted lines (I call them “median lanes,” not sure of the exact terminology) were for when they made left turns. Or, they did know, but because there was snow on it they were too much of a pussy to drive on it to make a left turn.

The irony…these imbeciles refuse to stop on the median lane for a left turn because they think it’s too dangerous and they might slide into oncoming traffic, so they just stop in the regular moving lane, thus forcing the cars behind to slam on their brakes and potentially cause an even more severe pile-up.

So without further ado, here’s to wasting my time typing up a driving lessons for all you people who don’t even deserve to sit behind the wheel of a car with no engine.

1. GRADUALLY PULL INTO THE MEDIAN LANE. No, your car will not swerve into oncoming traffic unexpectedly (assuming you know how a steering wheel works), that only happens when you pull in at the last second and slam on the brakes. That said…
2. GRADUALLY SLOW DOWN. Common sense, people, common sense.
3. THAT’S IT. Feel stupid? I hope so. Just make damn sure you’re out of the moving lane.

The worst case of medianphobia I’ve ever witnessed, though, was a few years ago during a sunny summer day. We were following two blonds in a Pathfinder, when all of a sudden the driver signaled left and stopped right in the moving lane, with a wide median beside her. At first we were too confused to do anything, but after a moment we honked (and so did other people, eventually) because she just didn’t move (there was oncoming traffic). The blond looked back at us with a “what-do-you-want?” face. Way to fuel stereotypes…