Living up to expectations of this site, Angry Chinese Driver, I’m going to start dishing out personal tips on driving efficiently to the max. Like a corporation revealing secrets to maximizing profits while cutting costs to the absolute limit; same concept. The rules of engagement when behind the wheel, from my unbiased perspective, will be posted in no particular order (just because). So let’s begin with #25!

You know when you’re on a four-lane road (two lanes per direction), and there’s a car stopped at the red light on each lane (it could be more than two lanes, I’m just using two as a common example)? Normally, you’d think, “Oh, I don’t know which car would go faster, so I’ll just pick whichever to follow” right? WRONG. There is, in fact, a set criteria (carefully engineered and experimented to near perfection by yours truly) of five simple standards to predicting the faster car between the two, appropriately and simply named “Red Light, Blocked Lanes”.

1. LINES LINES LINES. Is one car more ahead than the other? Is the car on the left behind the pedestrian lines, but the car on the right impeding on them or downright over them? You know the latter means business, then.
2. STAY ON THE MERGING LANE. The car on the right lane that’s going to merge within a few hundred metres will usually be there for a sole reason: to pass the sucker on the left lane. He will usually be edging out in front of his opponent (see #1), unless he’s smart like me (that will be further explained in another post).
3. NEWER = FASTER. Automakers improve their models every generation, especially in terms of horsepower and speed. It’s no surprise that today’s Civic hits 60km/h much faster than the 1993 one found at your local high school parking lot. It is assumed that with this standard that both drivers would be comparable (ie. accelerating power, cruising at the same speed).
4. CLASSIER = FASTER. Following the aforementioned assumption (which, if you don’t really get it, means that both drivers are similar in physical characteristics, and they use comparable force to hit the gas to pick up speed), an Audi will make a joke out of the Civic. You get the point.
5. MANLIER DRIVER = FASTER. Let’s be honest here; insurance rates for males are higher because we’re much more prone to speeding tickets. Women are generally more patient, cool-headed drivers, as in they’re slow[er than men]. So if you had to pick between a car with a woman in the driver’s seat or a man in the driver’s seat, go for the latter.

With these five simple steps to follow, you should easily be on your way to Efficiencytown (lame joke, sorry). And once you pass the slower car, pull out onto their lane and pass the faster car, too! Unless s/he’s already gunned it faster than you, in which case you owe them loads of respect.

VARIABLES AND OTHER FACTORS

I fully stand behind my criteria, but it doesn’t mean that it’s absolutely foolproof 100% of the time; my standards deliver under ideal conditions, of course. So just in case you post angry comments about your failure to pass following my tip, here are common examples of variables and other factors that may affect the success of your attempt:

1. DRIVER NOT PAYING ATTENTION. Maybe the car you’ve chosen to follow is blatantly blocking the walking path pedestrians. Maybe the driver is on the lane that’s about to end soon. Maybe the car is a brand spankin’ new Ferrari F430. And maybe the lucky person behind the wheel is Steve McQueen himself (re-incarnated from the dead). BUT…perhaps Mr. Frank Bullitt was busy changing the tracks on his new KanYe album, or eying some ladies walking on the other side of the road, or even being majorly distracted by the brand new Mustang Bullitt prototype that just flew by; who knows? Even I get distracted at times, but usually not because I take driving way too seriously.
2. NEW CRAP CAR vs. OLD NICE CAR? Let’s say you’ve got a brand new Chevy Cobalt up against 92′ BMW 3-Series; quite a dilemma, eh? Can’t give you much advice on this one, I’d suggest relying on the other standards to make a better decision.
3. JUST PLAIN SLOW. In life, there’s always that oddball who doesn’t fit in with the generalizations. I’m sure Michael Schumacher likes to take the time to enjoy the scenery, too. Tough luck for you.
4. PREVIOUS OBSERVATIONS. If you’ve already seen the driving habits of the cars in front of you, don’t bother relying on my “Red Light, Blocked Lanes Criteria”. You should know by the time you hit the lights who to follow.

All in all, using your own judgment is CRUCIAL! I’ve only given you this tip to facilitate an easier “victory” (as I like to call it) on the road. It works most times for me, but it might be a total bomb-out for you (hopefully not). Enjoy, and good luck!