So I was browsing around on Facebook again, after waking up in the afternoon, when I came across this fabulous group called “People against slow drivers in the left lane who need to move the fuck over“. Browsing through the pictures, I noticed a funny one where you see in a rear-view mirror a truck with “MOVE OVER –>” on its windshield. Someone posted the link to the site where you can buy the decal, and thus I came across a site worthy of the highest praise:

LeftLaneDrivers.org

Seriously, this site is so awesome that I didn’t even make this link open in a new window. And it doesn’t even matter, because LeftLaneDrivers.org certainly deserves more attention than this pesky little site (I refuse to call it a “blog”).

You can - and SHOULD - buy the decals and display them proudly on your windshields, which cost less than $30. We need to put an end to the disease commonly known as ignorant stupidity, a disease that plagues a certain group of human beings known as “slow drivers” in layman’s terms. Contrary to popular belief, it IS against the law to drive slow, especially on the passing lane. See Ontario’s Highway Traffic Act, for example:

Unnecessary slow driving prohibited

132. (1) No motor vehicle shall be driven on a highway at such a slow rate of speed as to impede or block the normal and reasonable movement of traffic thereon except when the slow rate of speed is necessary for safe operation having regard to all the circumstances. R.S.O. 1990, c. H.8, s. 132 (1).

So if you’re one of those annoying losers who say “I own the road as much as you do”, shove it and move over. Please, if you’re an ass who demands politeness when you don’t deserve it. You can go as slow as you want on the right lane; why do you have to create a (possibly dangerous) hassle for everyone else who have places to be?

When I was vacationing in the beautiful Maritimes, I made a Porsche out of my parents’ Camry. Straight, smooth highways or windy, fun two-lane roads and no cops, it was simply spectacular putting the pedal to the metal. Even my mom, who disapproves of my speed, hit 150km/h at times. And the drivers there are smart and nice; they always keep to the right. Even les Québécois, infamous for aggressive driving, pull over after they pass. But once in a while, I’d encounter some idiot on the left lane who drove no faster than the cars beside him, and I’d think to myself, “Wow, where the hell is this guy coming from?!” I’d look between the lights and see a white license plate with blue letters; ah, an Ontarian, surprise surprise (note: sarcasm)! And it’s true. We are arrogant, ignorant drivers.

Driving back from the East Coast, I noticed that from when we entered our province’s borders, as we got closer and closer to Toronto, the drivers were of lower and lower quality. After spending two weeks in driver’s paradise, I wasn’t used to the a-hole-ness back home. I said to my parents, “We have absolutely no driving etiquette around here”, and they replied, “That’s what happens in a crowded city!”

So what we can clearly infer is that we need mass supplies of these in big cities. I don’t know if cops should get them (maybe too aggressive for those who should uphold order and civility?), but regular drivers who feel the need to teach slow drivers an important lesson in life ought to invest in these decals. Buy and resell them, give them out as gifts, whatever; the point is that we need to restore the left lane to the magnificent glory it once possessed as a passing ONLY lane.

In case you’re too lazy to browse the site yourself, I’ll give you the link to buy the decal right here. All you gotta do is put in your credit card info. And once the order’s complete, you will have contributed to the salvation of the human race (in terms of driving, at least).